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I wish I could go back to bed. And I hardly ever feel this way. I'm a morning person. This morning I feel like sleeping.
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Maryann has found herself popular at her new school. She's drunk off of the attention. But yesterday she was troubled and I got the truth out of her. Her new boyfriend left early Friday and another boy came by and flirted with her. She indicated to the other boy she was interested now she is riddled with guilt. The other boy she tells me is cuter and more popular than the boy she originally liked. Well.. I think the new boy is a player obviously because he knew she and the first boy were liking each other. She saw it as a dilemna last night but I'm going to try to help her see that if she hurts the boy that showed interest first she could easly end up with no one liking her.. She was in LOVE last week, she will quickly become unpopular with everyone if she is seen as a fake.

I'm very concerned though that the popularity has transformed her personality. I think girls do very stupid things just to have anyone like them. The fact that she didn't tell boy #2 that she had committed to boy #1 shows a lack of  boundaries for herself.

Its not a big deal and it is a situation easily corrected but the concerns for her self esteem issues runs deeper.
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Daughter started school monday last week. She's been giddy and giggly and totally not her snarky, teenagery self. As it turns out it is a boy making her so happy. He wrote her a note asking if they can "go out". What does going out mean to a thirteen year old? lol. Its like simply asking to be your girlfriend is so yesterday.

I LOVVVEEE seeing her so happy. But you know how these things go. What if he breaks it off next week and she gets hurt. There are only 20 students PER GRADE. So the classes are very small. There would be no avoiding him. Happy but anxious, if only for her mood.

His name is Hunter. Which I hate. Who names their child hunter. Are fisher and Walker Texas Ranger his siblings?

I should be nice. She's running around the house in sqeee!
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I weighed 178 this mornin!! Woo hoo. At this rate though I'll be down to my target weight next summer.
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This is my daughter. I wanted to write about something too personal for Facebook. My daughter for the past year has had many very negative comments made to her by other girls about her weight. I don't understand it. For one, she is not even that thin. She's thin, but not in any extreme way. She has hips (which she's proud of) and a little bustline going. Generally around the house she is happy with her appearance. On a side note I try to warn her, see, I was her size when I was her age. She needs to continue to take good care of herself. At camp this summer the girls got together and told her that she looks like she is anorexic. One girl asked her if she's starving herself. She's had comments more simple where her friends will just simply say "you are too skinny" while in general conversation. Last year she got some remarks but they were from the black girls in her class. I told her that black girls in general develop faster. I meant it in a general way and I tried to keep it all tied with puberty.  Now she is asking me what I think about her weight which is annoying. It is annoying because I think she's at a perfect weight. She is NOT overly skinny, and she doesn't have any weight issues so why should we be having to worry about it??
They got a health fitness evaluation from school which told us that she had almost perfect score in all areas. BMI, muscle mass, everything she got a perfect score. If she were underweight the report would have addressed it. She is naturally active and eats a diet that I could benefit from. Other than sweets she is VERY picky about what she will eat. She never has had soda. She doesn't want it and never has. Aaron does it wasn't me and my diligent parenting. Though, I admit I have stopped buying it from around the house but I let him have them when we go out places. She eats things like collard greens just because years ago I told her they were healthy. I didn't like greens when I was young. Anyway, Maryann has always been really picky, no dairy, no soda, nothing greasy. She thinks like an athlete which makes me feel sad and regretful that I never could afford to keep her in some kind of sport. She liked track this  year and won the coach's award but track really is only about six weeks long in the school year. She's going to charter school this year that doesn't even have athletic teams though I was told she could go to another school just to participate in track. We'll see.

All I'm saying is if she walked up to another girl, let's say her friend that has made constant remarks on her weight and she said to that girl, you need to lose some weight, I think you are too big, that would be thoughtless and rude. Why not give Maryann the same benefit of the doubt. I don't like saying to her, they are just jealous. Because I don't know I don't like my children thinking like that. It is very defensive and sometimes not even true. I think people say to themselves that other people are jealous to console themselves. I just want her to have a healthy attitude about herself. Right now their bodies are mostly hereditary, and how they take care of themselves in their adult lives will be the big question. She even had a boy tell her he preferred big girls and I asked her how it even came up in conversation. I think kids are projecting their own insecurities on her. I'm in a weird position because right now I am 180 pounds and I am 5'2. I'm trying to change that and I'm even emulating her and her guardianship of what she will put in her body. Last night, she told me she wanted to be my health coach. We had been taking pictures of ourselves, and I told her all my pictures looked horrible because of my weight. She turned to me and said let me be your health coach.

She has many areas to improve on as we all do but I love how diligent she is in taking care of herself.  That is a good trait and not a bad one. I hope the kids eventually leave her alone, I'll be pissed if they make her feel bad about herself where as up until now she has had a healthy attitude.
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As you might have noticed (or not), I haven't been posting. I have to give myself a vacation from thinking so hard on things. I tend to get stuck in a moment that I can't get out of ( rock on U2).  But yeah, so blogging, I've chilled out on.  I get on facebook because nothing there has to be too personal or too in depth.

I've gone to the gym almost every day for two weeks. I see some results in strength but don't think I've lost one pound. I have altered my diet also. I spent some time last night googling and have decided I do have a good routine going so all I can do is hope for the best. At the gym I have to get on machines that I can hang on to something because I have poor balance. I am doing around 30/40 minutes of either the tread mill or epplitical and then about fifteen minutes of light weight machines. I hardly feel the burn ever so I wonder if I'm doing enough but at the same time I'm not trying to buff up but get a little tone. And that's it. 

I'm going to go close my eyes a minute.
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Each week in my sociology of gender class we have an assignment to turn in online. This week's assignment is a movie review.  She doesn't give us a list of movies but notes that it should be clean with an exclamation point. Now I don't know the idiot that would have chosen porn or whatever but her specifying that it shouldn't be beyond "Fried Green Tomatoes" is what?? She can't handle real indept looks at society.   L L L Lame. First of all, it is not for class discussion but for her eyes only. Is she saying anything but a G movie would offend her. Geez.

I know just shut up and do it.  Get the grade.


Jun. 15th, 2009 05:03 pm
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Other than obsessing about lack of sex my other ongoing obsession that I have a bit more control over is my hair.

No one likes it long or no one is behind me for growing it out.

I want-----> www.haircutshairstyles.com/jennifer_aniston_long_straight_hairstyle-200.shtml
 My hair is naturally curly/wavy so this style would require constant straightening. Am I taking up Maryann's neurotic hair love? Yes I admit I don't need to go that road.  My hair is just below shoulder length at the moment. I found some great stuff it is Fructis Style Smoothing Milk. It has done wonders for my hair. I love how sleek it feels though I admit I took an iron to it too. Am I too old for beautiful long hair? And why do my family react negatively to it.  I don't understand at all. They hated it short.
As it grows longer I'll take pictures.

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Mom bought me a recipe book and put a couple of my grandmother davis' recipes in it. It was her handwritting. At first I thought it was straight out of grandmother's book but now I see mom had them photocopied. Anyway, I must be shooting serious hormones because I burst out in tears and couldn't stop crying.

I miss my grandmother so much. It is because she loved me unconditionally.

Thank you Christine for the dreamwidth paid account but where are you and how are you??

All and all its been a very low key birthday other than me being on some kind of emotional high.
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I've been pondering lately the statements coming from conservatives about Sonia Sotomayor calling her racist and claiming she is an activist judge. I'm reading an article just now written months ago by Judge John E. Jones II.  Judge Jones ruled in favor of removing creationism in the schools in Dover, Pennsylvania. This article is unrelated to anything involving Sonia Sotomayor but he is describing events around the Terry Schiavo case where Republicans bullied and in some cases threatened federal judges as that whole drama was going on. In the case of Kitzmiller v. Dover, Bill O'Reilly called him a fascist and Ann Coulter calls him Godless in her book Godless for more or less reading the law as it is.  Why were Bill O and Ann Coulter pissed..? Because he more or less said this isn't in the constitution.

I just want to add, Conservatives are not against activist judges and that  makes me angry.

They only get angry when it looks like that its not going their way.

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She was barking and we were ignoring her. I'm working on  homework due on midnight tonight.  The kids are preoccupied. When the kids finally checked out what she was fussing about this is what we found. She was originally on the bed but by the time I grabbed the camera she was walking into the kitchen.

Don't worry she was promptly freed from the clothes hanger.

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No pun intended.

Reality has sunk in. I can't afford another doxie. As much as I want one. As much as I think Tulip would love to have a companion. She'll have to remain an only child. Or the youngest child of the family.  Vet bill was almost $200. Though she got every shot and medicine known to dogs. She's all caught up and also got some Advantix ( that shit is EXpensive).  I like advantix because it includes mosquito protection.


The good thing is we tested her for heart worms because she had missed a couple of months of heartworm medicine and everything came out negative.  Yay! Also, everyone remembered her and there was a "oh look its Tulip, hi honey". :   )  I like our vet she is very personable even though she's the only doctor in the practice and its very hard to get appointments.  Her and her husband have another larger building and practice across town but she does her own in this building. Kind of complicated. She works and co owns both clinics but this one that Tulip goes to is exclusively her own.   Like you care.. .right.... TMI.

But even though the money hurt I'm so glad she walked away with a clean bill of health.  I have to accept that double that with another dog is plainly undoable.

I'm a little heart broken at the moment.


May. 31st, 2009 05:55 am
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I've been up for two hours. Tulip woke me up trying to cough something up. Her stomach is making a horrible rumble sound. She's got something in her stomach that needs to come out. I'm worried about her. Though she is alert and not whimpering. Can obviously walk around. But every time I woke up and went back to sleep I had these horrible realistic dreams. One of my parents arguing and me hiding from them. One where Maryann went outside at night to get something out of our car and then never came back inside the house. Each time I woke up very disturbed. So around 5:00 am I guess I just gave up and said I'm getting on the computer.

the children want to go to Savannah today. I need to buy Maryann some clothes. She has camp coming up and also she just needs clothes anyway. I was fit to be tied because she needed clothes before school got out. She wore long sleeved shirts right until the last day of school and that drove me crazy.  Mom just got back from a trip with friends so I haven't been able to talk to her about keeping Tulip. I don't like going to Savannah unless Mom can keep her. Now with her stomach problem I surely don't want to leave her.  She has a appmt with the vet on Tuesday anyway.  Just heart worm medicine, and a check up.  I wish it were tomorrow now.

Anyway.  Hopefully every one will be happy today. Yesterday was good. We had a good time at Splash in the boro. 
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I took Tulip to the farmers market this morning and the director of the local therapy dog organization talked to me for ten minutes. She told me that she thinks Tulip has the ideal personality. She insisted that I call her sometime to discuss it.  The thing is Tulip has had no obedience school whatsoever non. I'd have to pay for a couple of obedience classes plus specific training to become a therapy dog. I don't know that I can afford it.
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There  still is  not a whole lot of groups yet on dreamwidth so I started a new community.  Its a clone from livejournal, yes. Not original in concept, I admit, but it was one of my favorite communities because it is so random. The concept is to post things in this community that you feel like you'd probably bore the crap out of your friends on your own personal journal.  The only problem with the other community  is that it is a magnet for spammers.  Which is sucky. And once someone posted a picture of a vagina and didn't put it under any cut so that people at work or in a public place were given a heart attack.  The community might sit idle, idk. Who cares! I'm doing it out of boredom anyway, duh.

Here it is:
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I went to a morning awards ceremony for Aaron's school. A boy had on a t-shirt that read:

Curiousity killed the cat and I'm a suspect.

what scum bag parent buys a shirt like that for a kid.   I guess it could have an innocent meaning, but still.....
In bad taste for an awards ceremony. No?
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I stole this from LJover30 on Livejournal.  Cameron of Ferris Bueler's Day Off fame, excuse me, his home,  is for sell for $3.2 million.

Pretty cool huh? Ok anyone as vastly paranoid as myself out there that would worry that a psychokiller could watch my every move in that house.  I love the house, don't get me wrong, I'm just saying its in the woods AND the whole thing is windows.

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The world is depressing. People are depressing. I'm over things but that makes me sadder and even angrier being over it. I went through a spell when I reasoned with myself that you can't control other people and that people are still basically good. We hear all of the bad and that skews things but no.... I have little hope for humanity or for the goodness of mankind.

I'd feel better if I had a close intimate friend that felt the way I do at least some of the time. 


I'm going to go kill myself now.


Don't worry I won't.

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I would like to preface this by saying I like Bill Maher much less than I used to. He's made some really astoundingly bad jokes lately that made me think he's lost it.

But this did make me laugh and thought a couple of you would enjoy it.


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Today was Morrissey's 50th birthday.
There is a cute dachshund story on there. Anyway. I love Morrissey for his music but I love him more for having such integrity and sincerity for animal welfare.


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January 2010

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