dinnerateight: (Default)
[personal profile] dinnerateight
A few days without internet will be a good thing. I need to take charge of my life.  Rambling on on the internet should be a side thing I do in my spare moments of time. When you get bored with something it becomes negative. I don't read enough.

Mostly though I need to get back in the gym. I went yesterday.  One day I will take pictures of our gym to show you how nice it is. The thing for me though is that the treadmills and ep machines are on the second floor on a huge balcony that kind of floats above.  The machine that I really enjoyed looks down on the pool. Lately, I've been getting panic attacks looking down. The college students are coming back in full force and the young men are working with the free weights. When they drop the weights it makes this huge hollow boom upstairs. For whatever reason, I've developed a fear upstairs.  There are other machines that sit in the opposite direction and don't look down on the first floor. I'll just have to use them. Though I fell off the wagon so to speak I am very determined yet still to lose the weight and also get in shape. Being skinny isn't the same as being healthy I'm trying to make that distinction. But I do know it can be done!

My life just has to change. My relationship with food has to change. One year ago, I got very ill with gallbladder problems. I learned to cut out greasy foods. I couldn't eat for weeks and dropped twenty pounds before it was all done with.  Over the winter I had a tough semester  in school. I never picked back up the greasy foods. Not at all but I still snacked on sugary foods and starches. In fact, I started making large bowls of pasta.  So I do believe my habits can change. The problem is with needing that comfort food and sometimes plain out laziness. With it being only me and the kids it is very easy and just as cheap to go get some fast food. I did that too much also when I had school deadlines and the grocery store was miles away.  We  move tomorrow! And our place will be in town. We are so close to everything we could walk if we wanted to.  There will be more stress though because my rent went up!


I need to work out somehow every day. We'll see how my schedule goes when school gets in but if I can excercise everyday I naturally stop eating as much. Excercise also lifts your spirits! Why I haven't made the effort all along I don't know. Dieting doesn't work for me but getting active does. The gym is the one thing that is totallly selfish for me. Even school. I no longer feel is for myself.  I could mother and be a good mother fat. I can have a good relationship with my family fat. The gym is what I do that is only my own. I have to just not let changes in my schedule throw me off track like it has done the last three weeks.

I can handle the stress if I kick myself off the computer and out of the house, and it is as simple as that.
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January 2010

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